Experiencing VS Performing

I just got married! Contrary to what I thought before my wedding, the ceremony and the reception were two of the best moments of my life. I was experiencing and not performing.

Before the big day, I was constantly stressed out with planning it or worrying about my fiancée taking care of too much. Naturally, I thought that I would be happy at the end of the night, but during the evening I would be just trying to oversee everything and control unexpected crises. I am glad to say that it was nothing like that, and I had so much fun that I cannot even describe it.

My mentor, Jamie Gilbert, advised me a little bit before the wedding not to forget to experience the big day instead of looking at it as a performance. Focusing on experiencing that day with the love of my life and people that we dearly love was the best decision that I have ever made. It freed me from thinking if everything was going according to plan, if the cake was falling apart, or what the guests were saying. I simply made myself present to whatever happened that night, and it was wonderful.

Looking back at it, I questioned, how many times we do not fully experience what we are going through because of our obsession for performing? If I had not changed my perspective before my wedding, I am sure I would not have had such a great time.

That happens in playing sports, in working, in dinners with friends and family, in dating, and so many other areas!

The difference between experiencing and performing.

We are used to listening questions like, "how did it go?" or "how did you do?" We have standardized test scores, set interview questions, common judgmental patterns, and we constantly hear comments like "he is good!" or "she did terribly." No wonder we always focus on performing. However, we continually miss out on amazing experiences that can enrich our lives because of this fixation.

Experiencing is simply letting yourself free of the need to control the moment and fully feel whatever the occasion is bringing to your life. It is being ok with feeling great as well as feeling uncomfortable. It is receiving life and not trying to contain it.

Performing is a presentation. It is the vigorous will to control life for desired outcomes.

The ironic part of all of us focusing on performing is the fact that we all perform with the intent of experiencing an amazing feeling at the end. The amazing feeling that we long for usually comes from acceptance, reassurance, or ego boosts. The bottom line is, we just do not want to experience negative emotions.

The problem is, as we shut ourselves down to the possibility of feeling uncomfortable sentiments, we are also blocking the possibility of experiencing true "amazing."

Why?

Every single feeling, impression, or perspective at a specific moment enrich our lives and make us evolve. If it is a great feeling we will seek that again, if not, we will learn how to deal with it in the best way possible.

We need to experience new things at almost every moment to grow and learn in life, to create memories, and also to gather knowledge to help others around us. In other words, we need to be willing to get out of our box every day.

As we accept the possibility of every possible outcome, we start to experience each moment. The objective is to make ourselves free to embrace what is given to us.

How to start experiencing more than performing.

According to the advice of my mentor, Jamie, a great way to concentrate on the experience is asking yourself, "what am I feeling now?" Or claiming, "this is what it feels like when..."

This tactic brings you back to the present moment and to the actual feeling at a specific time or particular occasion.

If you ask yourself in the middle of whatever you are doing, "how am I doing?" Or "what will happen if I do not do this well?" Then, you are starting to raise anxiety and turning off what you were supposed to be feeling.

Experience life. The moment that you are living right now will never come back.

#solutions #selfdevelopment #inspiration #confidence #motivation