It is easy for me to be a victim. Is it for you?
I have been searching and praying for clarity. One thing that is getting clearer and clearer is that I find comfort in being a victim. It is easy for me to be a victim!
I did not see this one coming.
Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt that you have done so much but haven't seen results? Isn't that just unfair?
Have you ever felt like reaping good seeds but never getting to sow anything? I am young. I am not even in my thirties, but at times I feel robbed from what I should have or be.
Why God? Why can't I have at least a taste of what I have envisioned?
Why is it easy to be a victim?
It is easy to be a victim at the same time that it is heartbreaking. However, at this point, I am trying to get some attention from God here. Can you have pity on me? Don't I deserve a little more?
Can you please be clear now father?
It is pathetic. I know. A lot of us start acting towards God as a spoiled child would act with his or her dad in search of attention. But, on the other hand, we are humans! We get tired at times, especially when trying to do the right things instead of just not doing the wrong ones.
Is it really worth it?
The truth.
At least like a victim, I can blame God or the circumstances a little bit. I can get sympathy and rest instead of keep working without much hope.
The danger.
Complacency lies on the victim's bed. Hope is crushed in the victim's sight. Maturity is forgotten as the relationship with the father is based on an exchange and not on his love.
So...
I ask you, God, to give me strength and renew my faith so I can pray less as a spoiled child waiting on a toy and more as a grateful warrior.
Can you please, father, help me with what I need because I don't even know what that is now?
And... I almost forgot! Forgive me for the moments that I will still pray like a victim.
Thank you!